


A Slight Detour Home

by OreoLuvr13



Series: The Aches and Pains of Sonny Carisi [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barisi - Freeform, Carisi family - Freeform, Episode: s18e07 Next Chapter, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sick Sonny, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-05-13 08:32:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14745453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OreoLuvr13/pseuds/OreoLuvr13
Summary: Carisi has just been brought in after a 3-week undercover stint. All he wants to do is go home. Too bad the case of raging pneumonia has other ideas. Rafael is going to kill him...





	1. Holding

**Author's Note:**

> There seems to be a definite lack of sick Sonny fics out there. So, I had to do my best and try to fix that. Enjoy!

Sonny barks out a hacking cough as he curls into himself in a vain attempt to conserve body heat. There are tears in his eyes by the time he finally finishes coughing. His head falls against the holding cell’s bars in exhaustion.

He’s been undercover for just shy of three weeks. It was a painstakingly frustrating case and it was just sheer dumb luck on the perps’ part that allowed them to get what they needed to make the arrests tonight. When Rollins, Fin, and Lieu moved in to make their arrests he thought it was pretty much done and he would be home within a couple of hours. That’s why he waved off Rollins’ look of concern and dismissed Lieu’s suggestion to head to the hospital to get checked out. But of course, the perps are not making it easy. Their attorney is all over Lieu hollering about the chain of custody. Which means hours later after the bust, Sonny is still stuck in lockup preserving his cover when all he wants is to chug some NyQuil and collapse into bed with Rafael for the next week.

Sonny barks out another cough as his head clinks off the cell’s bars. If only the case against Zeke Crowley and his merry band of pimps and thugs developed as quick as his chest cold, then maybe Sonny would have been home last week. But, that didn’t happen.

He feels his teeth chatter together as a rough bout of chills begin to wrack his body. Sonny takes a wheezing breath as Crowley’s second-hand man, Victor is let back into the cell. Great. He really isn’t going to be leaving anytime soon.

“What is that jackass Henry crying about?” A curt and all too familiar voice calls out across the squad room.

Sonny’s heart starts beating a little faster at hearing Rafael’s voice. If anyone can get this crap squared, Rafael can. Then he can go home. To their bed. He opens his tired eyes and sees the older man talking to Lieu and Rollins before he spears a glance at Sonny. When the DA does finally look over at Sonny, it’s one filled with relief, love, and also deep concern. Rafael almost looks sick to his stomach. Sonny must look awful. He’s not surprised because if he looks half as bad as he feels, Rafael will be mother hening him to death for the foreseeable future.

Rafael breaks eye contact with Sonny and turns back to Lieu.

Good, let’s get this thing moving. Sonny closes his eyes as he leans back against the cell’s bars, letting his harsh uneven breathing lull him into a restless sleep.

**XXX**

To his credit, Rafael waits until Liv’s door is shut before he starts.

“Why the hell is he here?!”

Liv takes her glasses off as she sits down behind her desk motioning for him to sit down as well. She’s not surprised when he doesn’t. He has that look in his eye. He’s pissed. It’s the same look that she has seen him get when he’s up against the worst of the worst in court. If she was still standing she would be taking a step back from that intense glare. She’s not used to being on the receiving end of it. And she hopes to never be so again from the way the tension and desperation is pouring off her friend.

“He needs to be in a damn hospital! Why didn’t you send him to the ER when you guys went in?” Rafael bites as he starts pacing back and forth in her office.

“After we went in, Rollins and I asked if he was okay. He was asked if he needed to go to the ER. He said he was okay. Carisi’s a big boy. What was I supposed to do, physically drag him to the hospital? He said he was okay.”

“Does he look okay to you? Look at him! He’s probably delirious! He has no clue what he needs right now.”

Liv stands up. She knows that Rafael is concerned about Carisi, but he has no right to lay into her about Carisi’s health. She’s a good lieutenant and would never do anything to hurt any of her detectives intentionally. Carisi said he was okay. She had to trust him that he was telling her the truth. That’s what a good boss does. Trust her people. Trust her people that they will tell her when they're not okay. “He didn’t want to blow his cover. It was his decision to let his whole thing play out in its entirety.”

“So instead he’s going to sit in there and let his lungs drown in their own mucus,” Rafael replies with a look of disgust, motioning in the direction of the holding cell.

Olivia lets out a sigh. “I doubt he thought it will take this long to process everyone.”

Rafael rubs his chin and lets out a loud sigh. “You’re right. I’m sorry. That asshole Henry is the one stalling this. Complaining about the chain of custody. There’s nothing to that allegation, is there?”

Liv shakes her head. “Everything was done by the book.”

“Good. I’ll deal with Henry. Try to move along,“ Barba says as he stops his pacing to look out the glass window towards the holding cell.

“Okay and I’ll see what I can do on my end to move processing along, so we can at least get Carisi out of booking,” Olivia says as she stands up and makes her way to the door.

“Thanks, Liv.” Rafael says as he follows her back into the bullpen.

**XXX**

A cool, small hand on his wrist jerks Sonny out of his slumber.

“Hey, easy.” A familiar voice says soothingly.

Sonny looks out of his blurry eyes to see a concerned looking Rollins standing in front of him. Is he free to go?

“I have to take you to interrogation,” Rollins says regretfully.

Sonny looks around to see there are still two of the perps from their bust still there. Great. Looks like he’s still not going home any time soon.

“Come on,” Rollins say as she places a hand on his arm, urging him to stand. “We need you in interrogation.”

A couple of times spots blur his vision, forcing him to stop and rest so he can get his bearings as they make their way to the interrogation room. He sees the blinds are down. When they finally reach the interrogation room, cold sweat is running down his back as he all but collapses into the chair.

“Here you go,” Rollins says as she hands him a bottle of water. “Drink this. You need it.”

He takes the bottle into his shaking hands and starts drinking, relieving his sore throat. He’s forced to stop when he starts to cough. “Thanks,” Sonny croaks out pushing the water bottle away once he is able to catch his breath.

“We should be able to get you outta here pretty soon. Liv and Barba are working on it,” Rollins explains. “You look awful. Do you want me to get you something to eat? Maybe some soup”

Just hearing about food, causes Sonny’s stomach to flip. Food is the last thing he…or his stomach wants right now. “Nah, I’m go--,” his words are cut off when a deep, chest rattling cough takes hold.

Rollins brings a hand to his back, rubbing small circles. “Easy, Carisi. Easy.”

He appreciates her trying to comfort him, but it’s not her that he wants. He looks out the window into the bullpen. Where is Rafael? He wants to go home.

“I wish there was a place for you to lay down,” Rollins says sadly looking around the sparsely furnished interrogation room. There is only a couple of chairs and table. No good place to lie down. “You definitely have a fever and you should be in bed. The next time the lieutenant or I ask you if you need to go to the hospital, you’re going no matter what you say.”

Sonny nods in agreement as he starts coughing again. If he feels like this ever again, he’ll put himself in the damn ambulance.

When he finally stops coughing, Rollins looks at him at a loss of what to do. “Barba is royally pissed at Liv for not sending your sick ass to the ER after we made the bust.”

He’s going to have to talk to Rafael. It’s not lieu’s fault that he’s sick. He shouldn’t be taking out his anger on her. But right now, Sonny does not have the energy to respond. Instead he lays his head down on his arms, closing his eyes letting his exhausted body drift off to sleep again.

He doesn’t know if it’s minutes or hours, but the next time he wakes it’s to a familiar hand running down his hot cheek. “Sonny? Baby, please wake up for me.”

It takes him longer than it should to wake up, but when he does it’s to a smiling Rafael. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Sonny repeats as he starts another bout of coughing.

It takes way too long to get the coughing to stop this time. Rafael feels helpless as all he can do is wait for his lover’s hacking coughs to stop. When it finally does, he gives Sonny a sad look, running his hand through the younger man’s mess of curls. The touch feels good. “You ready to get out of here?”

Hell yeah. Get me out of here. But, he can’t seem to get the words out. All his energy is being spent on the simple act of breathing. God Bless him, Rafael knows what Sonny is thinking. For he pulls Sonny up from his chair and gets a good look at him and runs a hand over his fevered cheek.

“I know you want to go home, but I have to get you to an ER and get some real meds in you,” Rafael says as he wraps an arm around the younger man’s waist. “I don’t think this is just a cold that some Nyquil can fix.”

Sonny doesn’t say anything and lets the other man guide him to the door. He’s just so happy to be getting out of there and getting to sleep in a bed, a real bed.

Normally, Rafael shies away from such public displays of affection, but not tonight. At this late hour the bullpen is virtually empty, so there won’t be many spying eyes. Second, from the way Sonny is leaning almost all of his weight onto the shorter man, he doesn’t think that Sonny would be able to walk out of there on his own.

“Come on, let’s go.” Rafael says as they slowly make their way across the bullpen. He wishes Liv and Rollins a good night as he passes them on their way out with a promise to text them after Sonny is seen at the ER.

They’re almost halfway across the bullpen when Sonny starts that god-awful coughing again. With no other choice, Rafael stops where they are so that Sonny can catch his breath. He squeezes Sonny a little closer to himself in hopes of giving the other man some much-needed comfort as well as support. Sonny looks at him with fever bright eyes when he finally stops coughing. His eyes are looking at Rafael, but there is no comprehension in the blue eyes staring back at the prosecutor.

"You okay, Sonny? You with me?"A clearly unnerved Rafael asks.

 But instead of answering, Sonny’s eyes roll in the back of his head as he slips from Rafael’s grip crashing to the bullpen’s floor, to everyone’s shock.


	2. Clearing the Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv joins Rafael at the hospital as he waits for news on Sonny's condition. They clear the air a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Tom Cole incident from Episode 18.7 is mentioned.

Rafael’s fingers hover over his phone. He knows he has to call Sonny’s family to let them know what’s going on. That Sonny is sick, really sick from what he heard the EMT’s saying to each other during Sonny’s ambulance ride to the hospital. Fever of 103. Dehydration. Labored breathing. Low blood pressure.

He knows that he needs to call Sonny’s family, but it’s four in the morning and he doesn’t have much to tell him. He’s also too tired and worked up to answer the endless rounds of questions he is no doubt going to be asked. Sighing, he puts his phone away. He’ll wait until he actually has something more to tell Sonny’s family before he makes that phone call

“is this seat taken?”

Rafael looks up to see a tired looking Liv standing in front of him.

“Thought you could use this,” she says handing him a cup of coffee.

He nods his appreciation as he takes the cup. Rafael has no real desire to drink it, but he still takes a large sip. It’s been well over 24 hours since he slept. Who is he fooling? He hasn’t had a decent night’s sleep since Sonny has gone undercover. His tired body needs the caffeine, so he’ll be somewhat awake when the doctor finally makes her appearance.

“Have you heard anything?” Liv asks.

Rafael shrugs his shoulders and stares into his cup of coffee. “Not much since he was brought in. They’re trying to stabilize him. His vitals are all over the place.”

She nods and the two don't say anything for awhile.

“I’m sorry, Rafa.” Liv says quietly, breaking the silence. “You’re right. I should have put him in that ambulance myself. I knew he was sick.”

Rafael turns to look at his friend. “You’re right too. He said he was okay. Who were you not to believe him?”

“Yeah, but we both know he has a tendency to say he’s fine when he’s anything but."

Rafa nods. Sonny does do that a lot. Say he’s fine when he’s not. Most notably the incident with Tom Cole comes to mind. After Liv killed the retired copy to save Sonny, the detective of course said he was fine. Like having a gun pointed at your head was no big deal. He sent a text to Rafael telling him he was okay and was just going to crash at his own place that night because he was so tired. Luckily, Liv had other ideas and sent her own text to the DA telling him to keep an eye on the young detective.

Rafael used his key to Sonny’s apartment to let himself in. He found the younger man dazed in the shower, nearly unresponsive, water long running cold. If Liv didn’t send Rafael that text who knows how long Sonny would have stayed in that shower.

“He’s stubborn,” Rafael says bringing himself back to the present.

“Birds of a feather…“ Liv says with a small smile.

He wants to stay mad Liv. That will make this so much easier. To have someone to blame. He hasn’t talked to Sonny since he went under, but Liv has. Didn’t she see that Sonny was sick. It’s not like Sonny got this sick over night

He can’t be mad at her right now. Yes, he wants someone to blame. But, he needs a friend more. His stomach feels like there’s a pit. He feels the anxiety running through his veins. He looks towards the set of doors that Sonny’s behind and he was escorted out of more than two hours ago.

Liv and he sit in silence for the next hour, glancing every so often at their phones. Rafael finally allows himself to doze when he feels Liv squeezing his knee. Alarmed, he looks up to see the same doctor who greeted him in the ambulance bey hours ago, walking towards them. Her name is Moore. Morra. Something like that. He looks at her name tag. He was close. Morrison.

“You’re with Mr. Carisi, right?” Dr. Morrison asks.

Liv and Rafael stand up. “We are.”

The physician looks to Olivia and then back to Rafael. “Maybe we should we talk in private?”

Rafael adamantly shakes his head. “No, she’s fine. She’s his superior officer.”

“Okay. Well, when Mr. Carisi was brought in he presented with a number of symptoms. High fever. Labored breathing. Cyanosis. Early signs of dehydration. All symptoms that he’s fighting a powerful infection.”

Rafael has to fight not to roll his eyes. Tell him something he doesn’t know, he thinks to himself. Or maybe he did say that out loud based on the annoyed look the doctor just shot him and Liv whispering for him to stop. Oops.

"Sorry, doc. Go on," an admonished Rafael says.

“We sent him for a chest x-ray. And as we have suspected, he has contracted a virulent strand of bacterial pneumonia.”

Rafael nods along as the doctor continues. “The infection has really taken ahold. We're struggling to get his vitals stabilized. I’m not really happy with where his numbers are now, but they are better than they were when he was brought on."

“What are you doing to treat him?” Liv asks.

“We have him on broad spectrum anti-biotics, fever reducers, and fluids. We were able to get his fever down a little. It was 103.5 when he came in and now it's 102.6.”

“That’s good,” Liv says as she tries to look on the positive side. “It means the medications are working.”

Dr. Morrison hold up her hand. “They are to an extent. But unfortunately, his respirations and oxygen levels have not improved as much as I wish they would. We put him on a respirator to assist with his breathing.”

“Jesus,” Rafael curses as Liv lets out a loud gasp.

“I know it’s disheartening to hear that,” the doctor says in a gentler tone than she has been previously using. “But, like I said. It’s assisting him. He is still able to breathe on his own. The respirator is just helping him out. It’s a good thing. It’s giving his lungs a bit of a break, so he can use his energy elsewhere to fight off the infection.”

Rafael wants to appreciate the doctor’s reassurance that the respirator is a good thing but how can that be? It’s helping Sonny breathe. Breathing is fundamental. Breathing is something your body automatically does on its own. And Sonny is having a difficult time doing that.

“If his body starts responding better to the medications in the next 24 hours, then I see a full recovery for him.”

And what if he doesn’t respond to the medications? What if his fever is still high? What If he stops breathing on his own all together? No, Rafael is not going to ask that. He’s afraid of the answer.

“Can I see him?” Rafael asks, voice cracking.

Dr. Morrison frowns. “Not right now. We are getting ready to take him up to ICU now. There we can better monitor his breathing. But, you can see him once he’s all settled in. You guys can head up to the ICU waiting room. It’s on the fourth floor and wait there.”

Liv and Rafael give their thanks before the young doctor disappears once again behind those double doors. To where Sonny is and where Rafael isn't.


	3. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael finally gets to see Sonny!

Another waiting room on another floor. Another long wait. Rafael is sitting alone in the ICU waiting room watching the minutes tick away on the wall clock. It’s been almost four hours since Sonny was brought up to the ICU and Rafael has still not been allowed to see him. Liv just left not too long ago. There’s no use to the both of them waiting there. Just like him, she had a long night. But unlike him, she has a young child to get off to school. 

He won’t be alone for long though. Sonny’s family is on their way. He just got off the phone with them about half an hour ago. If he never has to make a “Sonny is in the hospital” phone call again to Sonny’s family, it will be too soon. It was close to an hour of countless phone calls and texts back and forth with the Carisi family. Yes, Sonny is breathing. No, he has not seen Sonny yet. And yes, he does like Tessa’s manicotti.

He’s checking in with Carmen when a young nurse walks up to him. “Are you here for Mr. Carisi?”

Rafael’s text to Carmen goes on the backburner for the moment. “Yes, I am. Can I see him?” God, he sounds too eager. 

She smiles. “My name is Lauren. I’m one of the nurses working on Mr. Carisi. Dr. Morrison said you can see him now. Just follow me.”

Pocketing his cell phone, Rafael follows the nurse to a cluster of clear cubicles. When they walk in he barely recognizes Sonny. His still frame is almost lost in the sea of machines that are surrounding him. There’s a cacophony of noises in the small space that only get louder the closer Rafael gets to Sonny’s bedside. Various beeps and the whooshing of the respirator fills the small space.

Rafael’s meager breakfast of cafeteria coffee and the cardboard-like muffin come dangerously close to making a reappearance when he finally gets close enough to get a good look at Sonny. His face is pale, almost translucent, except for the flush on his cheeks courtesy of the fever he’s battling. The ever-present bags under Sonny’s eyes are a deep blue, almost black. Standing out sharply in contrast to his extremely pale complexion. At least the bluish tint to his lips is no longer present as it was during the ambulance ride. And most disconcerting of all is just how still Sonny is. He’s not even this still when he’s sleep. His body is constantly in motion. To see him this still, it’s just not normal.

“Talk to him,” Lauren urges as she takes a reading from one of the many monitors. “He should be waking up pretty soon. He was sedated so they could intubate him. But, that was hours ago. The sedatives should be wearing off any minute now.”

Rafael nods as he grabs one of Sonny's hands that is resting on top of his stomach. He’s expecting a wave of heat, but instead his hand makes contact with cold…freezing cold. “What the hell? Why are you so cold? You have a fever.” Rafael asks quietly. More to himself than anyone else. It’s not like Sonny is going to answer him.

“We have a cooling blanket on him to try and get his fever down, “ Lauren explains. “It’s down to 102.4.”

Rafael nods as he squeezes Sonny’s long, lax fingers. 

“I’m pissed at you,” Rafael starts but then stops when he once again catches sight of the tube shoved down Sonny’s throat. “But, I’m also pissed at Liv.”

“How sick you are, and you refuse to go to the hospital? What the hell is wrong with you? Damn you. We’re going to have a long talk about you not taking care of yourself when you get out of here. You’re all over my ass about my health. About my drinking. How I don’t exercise enough. But you let yourself get so sick that now you’re drowning in your own bodily fluids. Can you say hypocrite much?” 

He ignores Lauren as she moves to the other side of the bed and takes another reading.

“And once I’m through with you, you’re going to have to deal with your family. Your mother is going to rip you one when she gets here, if the phone conversation I had with her is any indication. That was a fun phone call. Thanks a lot. They’re ALL on their way here by the way. So, the quicker you wake up the better.”

Sonny doesn’t and remains still, but that doesn’t stop Rafael. He’s on a roll now. “You better have an appetite when you wake up because I’m sure your mother is going to be making every Italian dish under the sun. We’re going to be drowning in lasagna, braciola, and cannoli for the next month. I"m pretty sure she’s bringing a tray of her manicotti to the hospital.”

Rafael moves his free hand to Sonny’s cheek, caressing it gently, careful to avoid the respiratator. “We’re both going to need to go on a diet after she stuffs us to the gills.”

Lauren lets out a small chuckle. Rafael ignores her. Let her think whatever she wants to. He doesn’t care what she thinks of him. Of his and Sonny’s relationship.

Rafael stops talking. That's all that he can manage right now. Usually, words are his specialty. In Court. When he’s dealing with Rita Calhoun or John Buchanan. When he’s arguing about precedent in front of judges. But not right now. Not with Sonny lying unmoving and quiet in front of him. And exhaustion is starting to sit in. The countless nights of not sleeping. Seeing Sonny like this. It’s wearing him down. He does not have the energy to just talk. 

He moves his hand from Sonny’s too warm cheek to comb it through the younger man’s curls. Sonny likes when Rafael plays with his hair. The rhythmic motion soothes him when he’s battling a migraine. He sighs in content when Rafael does it after Sonny wakes up from a frightening nightmare. Hopefully, even though he’s unconscious now it’s still giving him some kind of comfort.  
.  
Rafael is so engrossed with what he’s doing that he misses it when Sonny first lets out a small moan. But, he does see Sonny’s glassy eyes open to half slits, staring up at the ceiling.

“Sonny?” He asks leaning in closer so that the younger man can see him better.

Sonny lets out another moan and gags when he tries to talk but is stopped by the tube that's in his throat. He squeezes his eyes shut in frustration.

“Hey, Sonny. It’s okay. You can’t talk right now. There’s a tube down your throat to help you breathe.” Rafael explains as he squeezes Sonny’s fingers.

But, Sonny isn’t really there. He’s battling one hell of a fever that’s making it hard to comprehend what’s going on. It sure as hell doesn’t help when you wake up with a damn tube shoved down your throat. He tries to talk again and moans when once again he can’t. Frustrated he brings his other hand up towards the tube.

“Hey, leave that alone Look at me..” Rafael says grabbing the fidgeting hand. “You’ve been sick. Really sick. They put you on a respirator to help you breathe."

“Mr. Carrisi, don’t fight the tube.” Lauren says as she steps into Sonny’s field of vision. “It’s okay. The tube is there to help you breathe. Don't fight it.”

Sonny ignores the nurse and looks to Rafael with scared, fever bright eyes. 

Rafael rubs both of Sonny’s hands with his own. “That’s right look at me. Look right here. I’m here. You’re okay.”

“I’m going to get the doctor,” Lauren says as she exits the ICU cubicle. “Keep him calm.”

“What do you think I’m trying to do, “ Rafael stage whispers. He turns his attention back to Sonny. “Well, you sure know how to make an entrance.”

Sonny’s eyes are a little more open, a little more alert. Rafael maintains eye contact as he continues to rub Sonny’s hands. Rafael can see as Sonny begins to relax a little bit more into the rough hospital sheets underneath him. 

“That’s it. Relax. I’m here,” Rafael says smoothly.

Sonny lets out a sigh as he moves his head towards Rafael’s voice.

“Good morning,” Dr. Morrison greets as she walks in. “I see that you’re awake, Mr. Carisi.” 

The physician moves closer to the hospital bed and looks at Rafael. “Excuse me, Mr. Barba. But, can you please step out for a few minutes. I need to examine Mr. Carisi.”

Any progress that Rafael made in calming down Sonny is gone. His hold on Rafael’s hand instantly tightens. His eyes are once again fearful, and he tries to speak again.

“Hey, what did I tell you? You can’t talk. Let the doctor do what he needs to do. Then I’ll be back in here. I promise.”

Those fever glazed eyes stare back at him.

Rafael leans in, running his hand over Sonny’s warm cheek and gently kisses Sonny on the forehead. “I’ll be back as soon as the doctor gives me the go ahead. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. You’re going to behave?”  
Sonny barely nods.

“Okay, doc. He’s all yours.” Rafael says as he exits the room. He’s not going far though. He made Sonny a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of fun writing Rafael "going off" on Sonny in this chapter. I think as confident as Rafael is, he would still find it easier to tell Sonny how mad and scared he was when Sonny was unconscious as opposed to him being awake.


	4. Case Law and a Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael visits Sonny and later has a confrontation with Liv.

Rafael finishes his email to Carmen finalizing his afternoon’s schedule just as the elevator opens to the fourth floor. He had Carmen reschedule everything yesterday, but today is a different story. Sonny is slowly recovering. The urgency and fear over Sonny’s condition is not as palpable as it was yesterday. Now with Sonny out of imminent danger. He cannot hold off the EDA’s calls any more. He had Carmen reschedule this morning’s meetings, but he will be in the office in the afternoon for business as usual. 

Barba walks up to the nurses’ station and immediately spots a large tray filled with very familiar looking Italian cookies. He can’t help but smile. Tessa Carisi was here. Just as he predicted, Tessa Carisi has been cooking and baking enough to feed an army. Just this morning she dropped of “some lasagna” at their apartment on her way to the hospital. In reality, her “some” is actually two large trays. He put one in the freezer and the other one will be his lunch and dinner for the next week.

“You weren’t fooling about the food,” Lauren says looking up from her computer screen when she spots him.

"I told you. Make sure you get one of the pistachio chocolate biscotti.”

“Will do,” the nurse says with a smile. 

“Is his mother still in here?” Rafael asks as he looks over his shoulder to where Sonny is. “When I saw her this morning she said she was coming here.”

Lauren shakes her head. “She was. But, she stepped out for a bit when Dr. Morrison examined Sonny. She said she will be back later this afternoon.”

“What did Dr. Morrison say?” Rafael asks. 

“Sonny’s condition is improving. His temp is down to 101 and his breathing is better. He’s still on the respirator, but the settings were adjusted. So now he’s breathing more on his own than he was.”

“That’s good,” Barba says.

“It is,” Lauren replies.

However, despite the promising news there’s something about the nurse’s tone that tells Rafael a ‘but’ is coming.

“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

She frowns at him. “There is. Sonny is improving, but it’s not at the rate we wish he was. Your partner is still fighting the infection, hard. But, with an infection like this….it takes a toll on the body. Let’s just the more he improves in the next couple of hours the better.”

Barba sighs. He really thought Sonny was doing well. Yesterday, Sonny was awake. It’s true, he did spend nearly as much time asleep as he did awake, but Rafael thought that was a good thing. That his body was getting the rest it needs. Sonny’s eyes were more alert, and his temp was coming down. It’s like a punch to the gut hearing that Sonny isn’t doing as well as he thought he was.

“What happens next?”

“We give the medications some more time to work. Maybe you can get him to relax enough for him to get some rest. If that doesn’t work, they’ll probably change his meds.”

Rafael nods.

“He’ll be okay. He’s a fighter.” Lauren gives him a small reassuring smile. “Now, go on and see him. He’s awake. He’ll be happy to see you.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice. Without another word he turns and walks into Sonny’s cubicle. He doesn’t need to announce his presence since there are a pair of blue eyes pouring into him as soon as he enters the small area. Rafael instantly feels like shit when he sees Sonny’s sad eyes looking towards the door. How long has Sonny been watching the door waiting for someone to come? How long was Sonny alone while Rafael was home getting ready for the day. He’ll be sure to touch base with Sonny’s family to ensure that Sonny will never be alone again during the rest of his hospital stay.

“Hey,” Rafael greets as he sets his briefcase on the empty chair. He leans over the bed and softly kisses Sonny on the cheek. The smooth skin is still warm, but not as warm as it was yesterday. 

Sonny lets out an annoyed sigh as he points to the tube that’s in his throat. At least he’s not trying to pull it out this time. 

Rafael grabs the wandering hand. “That can’t come out yet. You’re not ready.”

Sonny huffs.

Rafael can’t help but let out a small chuckle. “You might be a detective and a lawyer, but you’re no doctor. They know what they’re doing.”

Sonny may not be able to talk, but that’s not going to stop him from getting his point across. He clenches the hospital sheets into his hands.

Rafael unclenches the younger man’s hand from the bedsheets and starts to rub his thumb over Sonny’s knuckles. “Don’t be like that. You need to get better and the respirator will help with that. So stop fighting them on that. Okay?”

Sonny slowly nods his head.

“Good,” Rafael says as he sits down. “I have to get ready for some meetings this afternoon.”

Sonny gives him those sad eyes again and for the tenth time today, Rafael feels like the biggest dick because it’s only the second day into Sonny’s hospital stay and he already has to leave him to go to work.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Rafael says brokenly, bringing Sonny’s hand to his lips to kiss softly. “I’m not happy about it either. But I have to go for a little bit this afternoon. You’ll probably end up sleeping all afternoon anyway. By the time you wake up, I’ll be back here.”

Sonny nods his head and runs his hand over Rafael’s chin. 

“So, do you want to help me get ready for this afternoon?”

The detective looks at him with questioning eyes.

“I’m looking for some case law concerning surrogacy. The parental rights of the birth parent to be more precise. It’s a slippery slope. You know how it is. The law takes a while to catch up with the times.”

Rafael doesn’t actualy have such a case on his docket right now. But, Sonny doesn’t need to know that. He knows that Sonny loves listening to him talk about case law and precedent. If listening to Rafael ramble on about legalese gets Sonny to rest, then Rafael will happily sit there and read aloud all the latest published court decisions on Westlaw.

It looks like Barba’s plan is working from the way Sonny is motioning with his hands for the older man to continue. He takes out a packet of papers out of his brief case. “I’m going to read the case and the opinions to you. Then I’ll bounce some ideas off of you. You let me know if I’m way off base or not. Flail your arms around like you usually do Okay?”

Sonny nods his head enthusiastically.

Rafael moves in closer to Sonny’s bed and lays the papers down on the bed, grabbing Sonny’s hand as starts to read. “In re baby, the Tennessee Supreme Court ruled…”

XXX

It’s a little before one when Rafael makes his way to his office. Carmen is at her desk and hands him a cup of coffee when she sees him.

“Here take these. Cannoli,” Rafael says as he hands his assistant a small box.

“Thanks,” Carmen replies. “I’m going to end up going up a size by the time Detective Carisi gets a clean bill of health, aren’t I?”

“You and me both,” Rafael mumbles as he takes a sip of his coffee.

“How is he doing?”

“He’s better. He was sleeping when I left him. His sisters and mother are taking turns staying with him this afternoon,” Rafael explains as he goes through the pile of messages Carmen just handed him. “Everything is all set for this afternoon?”

“Almost”

“What do you mean almost?”

“Lieutenant Benson has been looking for you.”

“Did you tell her I’m busy?”

“I did.”

“And?”

“She didn’t take it well. She thinks you are avoiding her texts and calls. Are you?”

“She’s right. I am.”

Yes, he and Olivia talked a bit at the hospital. They came to somewhat of a truce. But, that was when he didn’t know what was going on with Sonny. When his need for a friend outweighed his anger with Liv. And now that Sonny is on the road to recovery, his anger with Liv has resurfaced. How did she let this happen? He has been avoiding her calls. But, he did answer her texts, well some of them anyway. He answered the ones that were work related. When she asked how Sonny was doing, his answers were short and to the point. And if they were about anything else, he didn’t answer them at all.

“Well, she’s in your office now.”

“What?!” 

“She said she wouldn’t leave until she spoke to you. And you two need to talk.”

He knows Carmen is right. They do need to talk. He deals with Liv and the other members of the SUV every day. He just wasn’t planning on talking to Olivia right now when his nerves are still frayed and laced with anxiety. Not with Sonny still in the hospital.

Rafael grabs his suitcase and heads into his office.

Good luck Lieutenant Benson Carmen says to herself as she grabs a cannoli.

Olivia is sitting on his couch reading over a file when he walks in. She puts the file to the side when she sees him. “Rafa?”

“Olivia,” Rafael says as he hangs up his coat. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you about-“

But, Rafael cuts her off. “If it has anything to do with the Crowley case, don’t bother. I just got back from the EDA’s office. I’m recusing myself from the case.”

Olivia shakes her head. “No, not about that.”

“Well, what could be so pressing that you came over to sit in my office to wait for me?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have had to come over here, if you were taking my calls.”

“Yeah, well my phone was off,” Rafael says holding up his phone. “No cell phones allowed in the ICU.”

Liv rolls her eyes. “You were short with your texts. I wanted to know how Sonny was doing. Now I know why. You’re still mad at me.” It’s more of a statement than a question.

“You’re damn right I am!”

“It’s not my fault he got sick!”

“I'll give you that one. It’s not your fault he got sick. But, you knew he was sick and you did nothing. I didn’t talk to him every day over the last 18 days when he checked in. You did. You must have known he was sick and getting even sicker. You did nothing! You’re his supervisor. You should have pulled him before it got this bad,” Rafael says as he collapses into his chair.

“Rafa-“

“I talked to Rollins. She told me he was in that holding cell for almost two hours before I got there. You knew how bad he was at that point, why didn’t you do anything then?”

“I was-“

But Rafael doesn't let Olivia talk. He's not interested in hearing her excuses. Not when it comes to her jeopardizing Sonny's health. “Liv, he had a fever of almost 104! The infection was this close to going into sepsis!” he says holding up his thumb a pointer finger, just mere centimeters apart.

Liv does look upset. “Anna Letrova. The other girls. I was trying-“

“You were trying to build your case! To hell with everything else,” Rafael says sadly. “Believe me, I get building your case. I of all people know how important gathering evidence is. I’m the one who has to try these assholes.”

“Then you get what I was trying to do.”

Rafael looks at his friend in shock. They really are on two different pages here. “I get gathering evidence, but I don’t get leaving one of your detectives out to dry when you have the power to protect them. Even if it’s from their own stupidity and lack of self-preservation. That’s what a good boss does.”

Liv looks hurt and heartbroken. But, Rafael can’t bring himself to care. She did this. She did this to Sonny. And if she doesn't get that then their conversation is over.

“Are we done here?” 

Olivia shakily nods her head as she gets up to leave. “I’ll talk to you later. Keep me updated on how Sonny is doing, please.”

And because sometimes he can't help being an ass, he replies, "I'll text Rollins to keep her updated."

Rafael doesn’t look at her and instead busies himself looking over the notes for his 1:30 meeting. Without looking up he calls out to Liv.

“Yes?” she says with a hint of hope in her voice.

“Make sure you close the door behind you on your way out.”

She frowns at him before she shuts the door on her way out.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rollins comes to see Sonny.

Thankfully, Rafael is able to stick to his plan to leave the office at a reasonable hour. Actually, it’s downright early (for him anyway) when he leaves One Hogan Place at just after six o’clock. During the course of the afternoon in between hourly check-ins with Sonny’s family, he got a good amount of work done. Not as much work as he usually gets done in a day, but it’s still impressive. And his night is not over. He has a briefcase full of files and case notes that he plans on looking over as he sits with Sonny. He’ll probably be able to get more work done while Sonny’s asleep since he Is still spending the majority of their visits sleeping.

In fact, he’s betting that Sonny will still be sleeping when he gets to the hospital. When Rafael sent Bella a text saying that he was on his way back to the hospital, she told him don’t worry about rushing back because Sonny was asleep. But of course he loves to keep Rafael on his toes, so it’s only fitting that Sonny’s awake when Rafael enters his ICU cubicle. He’s all too happy to put work off when he sees Sonny looking at him.

“Hey!” Bella greets him, standing up to give him a hug. He returns the greeting.

“He’s been waiting for you,” she whispers in his ear. “He kept looking towards the door.”

“You said he was asleep,” he replies.

“He was. He woke up like two minutes after I texted you.”

And just like that, Rafael feels like shit again for going to work while Sonny is stuck here.

Almost as if she can read his mind, Bella gives him a smile “But, you’re here now. That’s all that matters."

“Well, I’m going to get going. I have to get home and relieve the sitter.” Bella says before she leans down and gives her brother a quick kiss on the forehead. “Ma and Dad will be here in the morning.”

“Bye, Rafael.” Bella says as she grabs her purse. “Do you like gnocchi? I think Ma is making some for dinner tonight. She’ll probably bring a plate for you tomorrow.” 

Rafael gives her a noncommittal shrug. He knows better not to protest. If he says that he’s all set and that she really doesn’t need to make him anything, Tessa Carisi is just going to assume that he doesn’t like gnocchi and make him something else anyway. The woman has already baked and cooked enough to feed a small army. “It’s fine.”

“Okay, good. Bye guys!” Bella says as she leaves the ICU cubicle. 

Rafael moves closer to the bed. He takes off his coat and places it on the back of the now empty chair. “You might not be the only one who needs a nap after your sister’s visit. I thought mothers with young children are always tired.”

Sonny rolls his eyes at him and Rafael can’t help but smile at that. His lips are met with slightly cooler skin as he lightly kisses Sonny on the cheek. “You feel cooler.”

Sonny eagerly nods his head. He brings up his hand and once again is pointing to the tube.

Rafael can’t help but sigh. “I know you’re feeling better. But, that needs to stay in. We talked about this. We wait until the doctor says it can come out.”

Then Sonny gives him those sad, blue eyes. Damn him. “Okay, when I check in with your nurse in a bit, I’ll see what the doctor has said about taking that out.”

Sonny moves his hand reaching for Rafael’s. The older man laces his fingers through Sonny’s as he sits down. “Well, my sources have told me that you’ve spent a good amount of time sleeping this afternoon. You think you can stay awake to help me out with something?”

Sonny nods his head.

“Good,” Rafael says as he opens his brief case. “You remember the Tyler case, right?”

Sonny nods his head again.

“Okay, good. I need to try and find something better than what we have if I want to prove intent. So, I had TARU go through his internet history,” He takes out his IPad. “I had them send me what they found. You’re going to help me see what I can use to help prove intent. Got it?”

Sonny eagerly nods his head as Rafael moves his chair closer to the bed. “Okay, let’s start with his social media accounts.”

Surprisingly, Sonny is still awake nearly an hour later as they’re still going through the defendant’s social media accounts, but they’re almost done. “You really consider that intent? What the hell are they teaching you at Fordham?”

“Really, Barba? Carisi is in the hospital and you have him doing your job for you?”

Rafael turns around to see a grinning Rollins standing in the door way. “Well, if you guys did your job and brought me a half way decent case I wouldn’t need to recruit Carisi to do what you guys should have done in the first place.”

Sonny makes some kind of noise. At first, Rafael turns around in alarm thinking something’s wrong, but when he sees a mischievous look in Sonny’s eyes, he realizes that the noise he heard was Sonny laughing. God, Rafael wishes that damn tube can come out. That sound that just came out of Sonny's mouth, is not Sonny's laugh.

“Good to see you too, Barba.” Rollins says with a smirk.

“Likewise,” Rafael replies as he puts the IPad away.

Rollins moves closer to stand by her partner’s bedside. “Hey, Carisi.” She squeezes his shoulder. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t get here sooner, things have been a little crazy at work. The Crowley case is still a me-“

She stops herself, no doubt feeling Rafael’s glare. The last thing Sonny needs is to hear is what a shitshow work is. “You’re looking much better than you were the last time I saw you.”

Rafael clenches his fists to stop himself from lashing out. Yeah, of course he looks better now. Over the past 36 hours since she last saw him being wheeled out of the bullpen on a gurney with an oxygen mask strapped to his face, he’s been placed on heavy duty antibiotics and his 104 fever has gone down several degrees, taking Sonny out of the “fever frying his brain” zone. So yes, Sonny is looking much better.

“Excuse me guys,” Dr. Morrison says walking into the room. “Do you two mind stepping out for a few minutes, so I can examine Sonny?”

“No problem, “ Rafael says. He leans in closer to Sonny. “Behave. I’ll be right back.”

Sonny’s eyes look down and then back at Rafael. He might not be able to say anything, but Rafael know what he’s asking. 

“I’ll ask after she’s done examining you. I promise.”

“Ask me what?” Dr. Morrison asks confused.

“It can wait. Do your thing, doc.” Rafael says on his way out, squeezing Sonny’s foot as he leaves.

As soon as they’re out of the ICU cubicle, Rollins turns to the prosecutor. “He wants to know when they’re taking the tube out, doesn’t he?”

He nods his head and sighs. “Ever since he first woke up.”

“That’s gotta be rough. Talking for Carisi is like breathing for the rest of us,” Rollins says as she looks back towards Sonny’s ICU cubicle.

“It’s a little…” Scary. Frightening. “…unnerving,” Rafael finishes. “I keep waiting for him to miraculously start talking around that tube. Luckily, he’s no longer actually fighting it.”

Rollins nods her head. She gets it. Rafael knows Sonny like an open book, but Rollins knows him too. She and Sonny have not only been partners for years, but also good friends. The blonde clearly cares about Sonny as much as he cares about her and Jesse. There’s been more than one occasion when she has sent him a text telling him that Sonny had a rough day after a particularly rough case and tells him “don’t be too much of an ass tonight.” 

Rollins is also one of Sonny’s closest confidants much to Rafael’s chagrin. The icy welcome he receives when he walks into the bullpen after he and Sonny have a fight, speaks volumes. The way she talks to him with short, clipped answers. When she spots him looking at a crestfallen Sonny, she sends him a look that says it all “you better fix this.”

“So you and Liv got into it today?” Rollins asks breaking his train of thought.

He looks at her. “Why do you say that?”

“I know she went over to your office to see you and when she got back she was in a mood. Wouldn’t say why, but I know how mad you were the other night after the bust and I put two and two together.”

“Well with deduction skills like that I can see why you made detective. Maybe you should sign up for the sergeant’s exam,” Rafael quips.

“Are you still mad at her?” Rollins asks. 

No…Yes…Maybe. It depends. He was mad as hell at her when he woke up to an empty bed this morning. He’s furious…and sad when he has to leave Sonny’s bedside for the night to return to their empty apartment. But, the anger fades when he sees his familiar, enthusiastic gleam in his eyes when Rafael reads him case law or when he laughs as Rafael and Rollins bicker in front of him. So is Rafael still mad at Liv? Yes…and no.

“It comes and goes,” Rafael admits sadly.

“You know Sonny wouldn’t want you to be like this,” Rollins says.

“Don’t!” Rafael hisses as he holds up a finger at her. “Don’t tell me what Sonny would or wouldn’t want. Not when he can’t even speak for himself.”

Rollins holds up her hands in surrender. “Easy, I’m sorry. I didn’t come here to fight with you. I came here to see my partner. That’s it. I’m not here to make any trouble. I know there’s something going on between you and Liv, but that’s not why I’m here.”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael says tiredly. “You’re his partner and you want to see him. I understand that. Just don’t…”

“I get it. I didn’t come here to be peacemaker. That’s between you and Liv. I’m staying out of it.”

“Good.”

“Glad we’re on the same page,” Rollins replies.

“Me too,” Rafael admits. The last thing he wants is things to be awkward between him and Rollins. Sonny will definitely pick up on that. And that’s the last thing Sonny needs to be worrying about right now.

“Good evening,” Dr. Morrison says.

“How is he doing?” Rafael asks.

“He’s slowly improving. His fever has gone down to 100 and his breathing has improved slightly from this morning. He’s definitely making strides in the right direction,” Dr. Morrison explains.

“How about the respirator?” Rafael asks.

“Is that what he wanted you to ask me about? He wants to know when we’re going to take it out?”

“Oh, yeah.” Rollins says.

“Well, it’s definitely not coming out tonight. My guess is probably not tomorrow either.”

Rafael rubs his chin tiredly. Jesus. Another day? Sonny is going to be pissed.

The doctor must see his frustration. “I’m sorry guys. Like I said, Sonny’s health is improving, but slowly. He’s till fighting one hell of an infection. He needs to be on the respirator, to allow his lungs to heal. This is a very serious infection and we can’t be lax when it comes to how we treat it.”

“I get it,” Rafael says as he nods his head. 

Dr. Morrison gives him a small smile. “Okay, you guys can go back in there now. I have to finish my rounds.”

Rollins turns to Rafael once the doctor leaves. She looks at him concerned. “You don;t look too good. You look exhausted. Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Not much. I didn’t leave here until after nine and didn’t get to bed until two in the morning.”

“Jesus, Barba. You trying to end up in a bed next to Carisi?”

“Rollins, stop. I already had to hear it from my mother on my way here how me not sleeping isn’t going to help Sonny. Not to mention, I have Tessa shoving food at me every chance she gets. I can’t deal with you too. I can take care of myself.”

Rollins quirks her eyebrow up in a “like hell you can, your appearance tells me otherwise.”

“Listen, why don’t you go get out of here for a bit. Go home nap, get something to eat. Do whatever you do to relax. I’ll sit with Carisi until you get back.”

As much as he doesn’t want to leave, he can go for a decent cup of coffee. He’s going to need at least that much to get through the night.

“You sure?”

Rollins smile. “Go. I got some Jesse stories to tell him. That’ll keep him entertained until you get back.”

“Tell him I’ll be back.”

“Obviously. Now go,” Rollins says with a shoo of her hand. “I got this.”

Before he can change his mind and trusting Sonny with Rollins, Rafael makes his way to the elevators.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I' apologize that it took me so long to update. I got in a bit of a funk, but I think I'm starting to inch my way out of it. Thank you guys for sticking with me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a case comes up Rafael is reluctantly pulled away from Sonny's bedside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to update this. There's no excuse, just the craziness of life.

Rafael walks quickly from the elevator up to the nurses’ station. Lauren must have heard him coming because she already has her head up from the computer screen when he reaches her.

“Good morning. Mr. Barba.” The nurse greets.

“Morning, Lauren.” Rafael replies as he pockets his cell phone. “How is he doing?”

Lauren doesn’t answer right away. He knows that look. He’s seen in plenty of times in the court room. She looks like she’s carefully thinking what to say before she does. It makes Rafael feel uneasy as he shifts his weight from one foot to another. He doesn’t like this.

“Is he okay?” Rafael asks nervously. It’s been three days since Sonny collapsed in the squad room and simulataneously scaring Rafael shitless. Since his arrival and worrisome diagnosis, Sonny’s health has been slowly improving. Although at an agonizing slow pace. Or at least Rafael thought he was.

“He’s still holding his own,” Lauren says.

Rafael lets out a sigh in relief. He rubs his eyebrows tiredly. Jesus. He needs to get some decent sleep. The sleep deprivation is making him paranoid.

“He’s sleeping,” Lauren adds.

“He is?” Rafael asks as he looks at his watch. It’s nearly ten. Even with his forced hospital stay, Sonny is usually up by now.

“He didn’t sleep too well last night,” Lauren explains. “His fever went up a bit.”

“It has?” Rafael asks in alarm. Maybe his exhaustion isn’t producing paranoia after all. He knew something was up.

“It has. But that happens with pneumonia. The patient’s temperature tends to fluctuate a little bit while the body tries to fight off the infection. The doctors are aware of it and are monitoring him. Now, why don’t you go on in and see him. I know he will be happy to see you,” Lauren says with a smile.

Rafael nods and heads off to Sonny’s ICU cubicle. The sounds of the machines surrounding Sonny as he walks in gives him an eerie sense of reassurance. Sonny is still there. He’s okay. Well, as okay as you can be when you’re in the ICU with a respirator aiding your breathing. Rafael takes his familiar position besides Sonny’s bedside. Lauren was right. Sonny is still sleeping. His chest is rising and falling in even, machine induced intervals. He runs his hand through Sonny’s sweaty curls and down the side of his face. He’s definitely warmer than he was last night. But, he’s definitely not as hot as he was when he was first rushed to the ER.

“Still sleeping, I see. At least one of us is.” Rafael says as he squeezes Sonny’s lax hand. No reply. Rafael takes a seat as he lets out an exhausted sigh. He looks at his watch. He still has a couple of hours before he needs to meet up with Rita to discuss the Marquez case. Might as well get some work done. He takes out papers from his brief case and gets to work. He moves his chair closer to Sonny’s bedside so he will be no more than an arm’s length away.

Over the next hour or so Rafael continues working as Sonny continues sleeping. He wakes up a few times, but never for long. His phone goes off. It’s a text from Liv. He wants to ignore it. He has nothing to say to her. But then he sees it’s about a new case. His current issues with Olivia are personal, not professional. Despite how pissed he is with her at the moment, he wants to keep it that way. She’s a lieutenant and he’s a DA, they need to work together.

He takes a look at a still sleeping Sonny and figures it’s safe to leave for a few minutes. Rafael walks out of the ICU and to the designated area, where phone calls can be made, that a nurse showed him when Sonny was first brought to the ICU.

_“Rafa?” Liv answers picking up after the second ring._

“Liv?” Rafael replies tiredly. “What is it?”

_“I’m really sorry to bother you. I know you’re at the hospital with Carisi, but-“_

_“_ Liv?!” Rafael cuts her off. He’s too tired to deal with her rambling. “It’s fine. What’s going on?”

_“We picked up a case late last night. And it’s gotten kind of messy. I didn’t want to bother you unless I had to. But a few…issues came up."_

“Do you need me there?” Rafael asks as he looks towards the ICU.

_“I wouldn’t have bothered you if I didn’t have to,” Liv replies._

Rafael doesn’t want to leave Sonny, but he still has a job to do. Sonny knows that. He would understand if Rafael needed to leave for a bit. And despite his issues with Liv as of late, he knows that she would not have called him unless she absolutely needed to.

“Okay, I’m waiting to talk to Sonny’s doctor right now. After that I’ll head over to the precinct.”

_“Thanks, Rafa. I’m sorry to make you leave him right now. It’s just…”_

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way,” Rafael says before he hangs up, when he spots Dr. Morrison walking towards him.

“Good morning, Dr. Morrison.” Rafael greets.

**XXXXX**

Rafael sighs tiredly as he takes a seat on Liv’s couch for what he feels like the first time since he left the hospital more than six hours ago. Liv was wrong when she said the case was ‘messy.’ It was way worse than that. It’s a clusterfuck clear and simple. In between his previously scheduled meetings, he’s been running back and forth between his office and Judge Barth’s trying to get her to sign off on a search warrant. It took multiple tries and trips before the judge finally signed off on the warrant, content with the argument and facts Rafael presented.

He’s been going pretty much non stop since he left the hospital hours earlier after speaking with Dr Morrison. The physician pretty much told him what Lauren already had. That Sonny’s fever went up. That it was nothing to be overly concerned about but was worth keeping an eye on. Medications were switched and Sonny woke up for a few minutes before Rafael had to leave. After receiving an urgent text from Liv, Rafael left Bella to watch over a sullen and fever-eyed Sonny.

Bella reassured him that Sonny would be fine. That he would be asleep minutes after he leaves. But, it still didn’t assuage his guilt. It doesn’t help that because of all the craziness of the day, Rafael had only been able to check in on Sonny twice throughout the day. Both reports were the same. Fever holding steady, Sonny still sleeping. He’s about to call Bella when Liv walks into her office.

“We got Stanis. Fin and Rollins are with him now in interrogation.”

“Let’s finish this,” Rafael says as he stands up, his phone slipping from his back pocket to the couch. His exhausted brain doesn’t realize it as he follows Liv out of her office.

**XXXXX**

A day’s worth of chaos ends quickly. Eric Stanis quickly confesses in less than two hours. If only the rest of Rafael’s day went as smoothly as getting the confession did. With his day finally over, Rafael is going to call Bella to let her know that he’s on his way back to the hospital. That is if he can find his cell phone. He pats himself down. Nothing.

“Looking for something?” Liv asks with a quirk of her eyebrow.

“My phone,” Rafael replies as he checks his pockets for the third time.

“Where was the last place you had it?” Liv asks.

He rolls his eyes. He’s not a child. He knows how to retrace his steps. Still he replies, “Your office. For those two seconds I was able to sit down.”

The sound of his cell phone ringing greets them as they walk into her office. He quickly grabs for the phone, but whoever called hangs up before he can answer. He curses as he scrolls through the missed calls. There’s close to a dozen and there are nearly twice as many texts. One from his mother. A couple from Carmen. But, most are from Bella. Shit.

Fear grips his body in a stronghold. He doesn’t take the time to read the texts. He doesn’t have time. He’s wasted too much of it already.

“What’s wrong?” Liv asks in alarm.

He pays her no mind as he calls Bella. His heart is hammering in his chest as the phone rings.

“Rafa?” Liv asks as she steps closer to him. “What is it?”

The call goes to voicemail. “Fuck.” Rafael curses as he dials again. Ring. Ring. Ring.

_“Rafael!” Bella finally answers. “Oh thank god!”_

“What’s wrong?” Rafael asks. The fear only growing when he hears Bella sniffle.

_“I’ve been calling you for the last hour. You didn’t pick up.”_

Rafael bites his lip to stop him from lashing out. Yes, he didn’t pick up. Yes, he didn’t have his phone on him when he should have, But, he’s there now. Why can’t she just tell him what’s going on?

_“It’s Sonny, Rafael. He’s bad…really bad.”_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rafael arrives at the hospital. The news is not good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest I'm a little unsure of this chapter. I hope it's not too painful for you guys.

“Rafael! Oh thank god!” Bella says once she sees Rafael exiting the elevator, entering the ICU floor. 

Before he can even reply, Bella is clinging to him in a tight hug. To his credit he only stands there awkwardly with his arms straight at his sides for a few seconds before he returns it, taking comfort in the warm embrace. Sonny would be proud if he could see him now. Rafael wasn’t always like this when it comes to hugging.

Hugging is like breathing for the Carisi family. It’s second nature to them. It doesn’t come as easy for Rafael. Even though it’s been a couple of years, Sonny still loves to tell the story of the first time his mother hugged a horrified Rafael. How Rafael looked petrified when Tessa Carisi enveloped him in a warm hug in the middle of the kitchen in Sonny’s childhood home. How he stood there unmoving and only patted Tessa awkwardly on the back of the shoulder when Sonny made some ridiculous flailing motion with his hand.

“What the hell happened?!” Rafael exclaims, breaking from the hug when he spots Dr. Morrison.

Dr. Morrison approaches them with Sonny’s parents at her side. Sonny’s father’s shoulders are hunched like he has the weight of the world. Tessa’s eyes are puffy and bloodshot. She’s been crying. They don’t need to say anything. Rafael already knows. Things aren’t good.

“It appears that the pneumonia has stopped responding to the anti-biotic we were treating with,” Dr. Morrison begins.

“But, you switched to a new one, right?” Bella ask, voice cracking.

“We did,” Dr. Morrison says.

The doctor is deflecting. There’s something she’s not telling them.

“There’s more,” Rafael says.

The doctor nods before she continues. “As we discussed this morning, I did switch Sonny’s anti-biotic when his fever started to go up and his breathing became more labored. It’s been nearly eight hours and unfortunately there has not been any improvement in his condition. In fact, I’m afraid that his condition has actually deteriorated. His fever has continued to rise and his oxygen levels have decreased. The pneumonia is not responding to the new anti-biotic like we hoped it would.”

“So switch to another anti-biotic,” Rafael says.

“That’s exactly what we are going to do,” Dr. Morrison says. “But, you need to understand that when Sonny was first brought in he was already battling a virulent strand of bacterial pneumonia. He was placed on a strong anti-biotic to help combat it. Then this morning we switched to another one. And now we are switching medications again. We are at a bit of a crossroads. Sonny’s immune system is fighting hard, but it is having a difficult time fighting off the infection. Unfortunately, we are also coming close to exhausting all possible treatment protocols.”

“Are you saying he can die?” Bella asks tearfully.

“I’m saying that we need to give this new anti-biotic a chance to work. If Sonny starts responding to treatment in the next couple of hours, then I have every reason to believe that he will recover. But, you need to also be aware that things can go the other way.”

The other way? Sonny’s not responding to treatment? Sonny’s condition is deteriorating? Exhausting all possible treatment protocols? 

“Rafa? Rafa?”

Rafael looks around. Doctor Morrison is gone. So is Bella. He must have spaced out for a bit. He turns to Sonny’s mother. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

The petite woman moves closer to Rafael. “Rafa,” she says sadly.

“Tessa,” Rafael replies. What else can he say? He’s barely hanging on. Sonny is sick. Really sick and he’s not getting better. He can….No he won’t say that. He refuses to. If he says it, then it becomes real.

And if he’s barely hanging on, he can only imagine how Tessa is doing. Sonny is his world. But he is also Tessa’s. Her child. Her only son. At his position at the district attorney’s office, he’s seen first-hand what the death of a child does to a mother. How they have this look in their eyes. That something is missing. No, that something was ripped cruelly away from them. And that look never goes away, no matter how many years it’s been since their child was taken from them. 

Rafael prays that he will never see that look in Tessa’s blue eyes. The same eyes that she has given her son.

“Rafa,” Tessa repeats as she puts her hand on his cheek. “Rafa, listen to me. You need to go in there and remind Sonny what he has waiting for him when he wakes up. That he has you. And the love you two share. If anyone can get him to fight, it’s you.”

He knows she’s right. They bring out the fight in each other. That’s what he loves about Sonny. The passion. All it takes to get Sonny going on a legal tangent is merely mentioning a potential problem in the prosecution of a case. He just never thought that he would have to rely on his ability to rile up Sonny, to use it to get him to fight for his life. But, if anyone can get Sonny to fight it’s him.

“I can do that,” Rafael says. “I’ll get him to fight.”

She gives him a small smile. “I know you can. He never can say no to you.”

He hopes that Sonny’s inability to say no to him doesn’t fail him now.

“Okay, I should go find Bella. I need to track down Dominick. We have to call Gina and Teresa. Let them know what’s going on.” Tessa says. “You, go see our boy.”

Rafa nods obediently as Tessa makes her exit. He stands there in the middle of the ICU floor for a few minutes as he gathers his emotions before he goes in to see Sonny. Once he thinks he’s ready, or as ready as he can be, he walks into Sonny’s ICU cubicle.

The sight that greets him is much different than from previous times. The heart monitoring is beeping much faster than it has been. There are more people mulling in and out of the small area, taking readings and changing IV bags.

But the biggest change is in Sonny’s appearance. What ever color he was able to regain since he was first admitted to the hospital is gone. His face is the palest that Rafael has ever seen it. The only color to it is the red flush high on his cheeks, courtesy of the raging fever coursing through his body. His lips have once again taken on that awful blueish tint. Patches of Sonny’s hair is matted down to his forehead in wet, sweaty clumps.

“Come on,” a nurse motions with her hand. “You can come in. We just gave him an ice bath to try and lower his temp. We’re just about done getting him settled.”

True to her word she and the other nurse soon leave, leaving Rafael alone with Sonny. He takes the familiar chair besides Sonny’s bed, sighing. “Jesus, Sonny. I leave you for a few hours and everything goes to hell. ”

Sonny doesn’t respond. Then again Rafael doesn’t expect him to. The older man moves the chair closer to his partner’s bedside. He grabs Sonny’s hand. 

“Bella hugged me. You would be proud of me. I actually returned it. Hell…”Rafael trails off playing with Sonny’s lax and plaint fingers. “I needed it.”

“The doctors are saying that the pneumonia is not responding to treatment. That…that you’re not getting better.” 

Rafael leans in closer to Sonny as he continues lowly. No one else needs to hear what he has to say. Just Sonny. “Sonny, you…you have to get better. I can’t do this without you. Who else is going to bug me about exercising more and cutting back on my drinking. Sure, there’s Carmen and my mother. But, they’re not the same. They’re not you. Then there’s work. Who am I going to talk case law with? Rollins and Tutuola?” Rafael lets out a snort. “That’ll go over like a lead balloon. They could never write a case brief. Hell, you barely can.”

Rafael looks to see if his quip got a response. The fingers in Rafael’s hand remain still. There’s not even an eye twitch. Nothing. Sonny remains unresponsive.

“Don’t even get me started about family gatherings. You actually got me to enjoy them. Well, enjoy might be a little strong. But, I definitely like them more than I thought I would. And that’s all you,” Rafael continues.

He takes the hand of Sonny’s that he has been holding this whole time and brings it to his lips. He gently kisses the cool, unresponsive fingers. “I told your mother that I will get you to fight. So damn it, Sonny. Fight.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rollins comes to the hospital and Rafael is forced to do some introspection.

It’s the unnerving feeling of being stared at that causes Rafael to jerk himself awake. It’s been a little more than half an hour since he sat down in the ICU waiting room after leaving an unresponsive Sonny with his parents. Bella has stepped out to update her sisters, leaving Rafael by himself to sit in the near deserted waiting room. The combination of pure physical and mental exhaustion along with the near silence of the waiting room was all that he needed to doze off. That is until he got that eerie feeling of being watched.

He jerks himself awake to see Rollins standing in front of him. Her blue eyes looking sadly at him. “Hey, Barba.”

“Rollins,” Rafael says as he sits up, unsuccessfully wiping some of the exhaustion from his face. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home with your daughter? It’s in the middle of the night.”

Rollins takes the seat next to him. “She’s fine. My sitter is with her. Besides, where else would I be? Carisi’s my partner. If I was in the hospital, he would be here in a second.”

Rafael nods. Rollins is right. Sonny would be at the hospital if Rollins was the one in ICU. He was the one who was by her side when she was rushed to the ER while pregnant with Jessie. He’s always there to lend his partner a hand or two when she needs it.

“So, how is he?” Rollins presses when he doesn’t say anything. “I know you flew out of the precinct while Fin and I were interrogating Stanis. You freaked Liv out. What’s going on?”

Rafael looks down. He can’t bear to say those words again. He can’t say that Sonny’s not doing good. He’s only had to say those awful words once, when he was alone with Sonny. And that’s because it was Sonny. He can’t hide things from his partner. He had to tell Sonny what the doctors were saying, hoping that by telling Sonny about his grim diagnosis will spark something in him to get him to start fighting. 

But that was the only time Rafael had to say those gut wrenching words. Sonny’s parents and Bella were there to hear what the doctor said with their own ears. Bella is taking care of notifying the rest of the Carisi family. And Rafael…he still hasn’t been able to tell his own mother. Fuck. He’s never going to hear the end of it when his mother finds out that he has kept her in the dark with what’s going on with   
Sonny. His mother loves Sonny. Sometimes Rafael thinks she loves him more than she does her own son. That she only puts up with spending time with Rafael so she can see Sonny as well. Telling her is not going to be easy. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with his opinionated, too much like him mother right now. Not when he’s using the last of his quickly depleting energy reserves to urge Sonny to keep going. To keep fighting.

“Barba…” Rollins pushes. “What’s going on? Tell me.”

“He’s…he’s not doing good.” Rollins doesn’t interrupt as he continues. “His fever spiked. The pneumonia has stopped responding to the anti-biotics. They’re switching medications, but they’re starting to run out of options.”

“Oh…Carisi.” Rollins says quietly. She doesn’t say anything else and Barba is grateful for that. The last thing he needs to hear right now is well intentioned but unwanted platitudes. 

The pair remain silent for several long minutes. But then she breaks the silence. “I’m going to text Fin and Liv to let them know what’s going on. You know Liv is going to want to come down here. Should I tell her not to? I know that things are tense between the two of you right now. It’s up to you. But…but you could probably use a friend right now.”

Rafael’s tired brain has to think before he gives Rollins an answer. Does he want Liv there? A good part of him is still angry at her. It was under her watch that Sonny got so sick. But Rollins is right. He can use a friend right now. He knows his mother will be there for him in a heartbeat, But she’s not who he needs right now. He doesn't need his mother's bluntness. Or her badgering on about second opinions. He needs someone who will just sit with him. He needs a friend. He needs Liv. 

“Carisi wouldn’t want you to be alone right now,” Rollins says.

And with that any hesitation to tell Liv not to come is now gone. Rollins is right.Sonny wouldn't want him to be alone during a time like this. In fact he would be pissed if he heard that Rafael was sitting there alone, letting all the worst case scenarios run rampant in his head. What did Rollins take a page from Sonny’s “What to say when you need your friend but you’re also pissed off with said friend” book?

“Tell her she can come,” Rafael whispers.

“Okay,” Rollins says as she takes out her phone.

XXXXX

The sounds of the respirator and heart monitor welcome Rafael when he returns to Sonny’s ICU cubicle. It’s been longer than he would have liked, but he gave him up last turn to allow Rollins to see her partner. He wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of having to wait even longer to see Sonny, but Rollins means a lot to Sonny and if the roles were reversed, he would have insisted on seeing her. 

Rollins has left for the night and promised that she will be back in the morning. Bella and Sonny’s parents have also left, but only after Rafael promised that he would call them if anything, no matter how small, changes. And Rafael, he’s exactly where he should be. Back at Sonny’s side. He takes Sonny’s hand into his own as he takes the now familiar seat by the hospital bed. “Hey, sorry it took so long to get back here.”

The rhythmic sound of the respirator is the only response Rafael gets. His eyes move to Sonny’s unnaturally still face. “I called my mother to let her know what’s going on. She’s not too happy with you. Granted, she’s even less happy with me since I didn’t call her right away. I hope you don’t have any Sunday morning plans for the foreseeable future because we’re going to have weekly brunch dates with her,”   
Rafael lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Between her and your family we’re not going to have any time for ourselves for the rest of the year. And we’re both going to have to go on diets between both of our mothers trying to fatten us up. Well, more you than me. My expanding waistline is just going to end up being collateral damage because as I have been reminded more than once over the last couple of days you are way too skinny. And no wonder why you got so sick since you have no meat on your bones.” 

He can’t help but look over Sonny’s thin frame. He’s always been on the skinny side, but now he looks gaunt. Sick. The weeks undercover and the pneumonia has taken what little body fat Sonny had to begin with. Rafael shakes his head, They’ll take care of that when he gets better. He’ll go to whatever restaurant Sonny wants to go to. No matter how ridiculous the menu may be.

“But, Sonny, you have to fight to be there. You have to fight so that you can watch me suffer through every brunch where my mother tortures me and you laugh at my expense. You have to fight so you can be there to cackle when Bella’s hellion uses my $200 tie as a napkin.”

Rafael pays the entering nurse no mind as she looks over the monitors. “Damn it, Sonny. You have to fight. I told your mother that I would get you fight. Don’t make me look like a lair. You know how much I hate liars. Don’t make me become one.”

“Excuse me,” Dr. Hernandez, another one of Sonny’s doctors, interrupts. “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to step out for a few moments. I have to examine your partner.”

Leave? But he just got here.

Sensing Rafael’s frustration with having to leave so soon into his visit, the physician tries to placate him. “It will be for just a few minutes. I’ll have Karen get you from the waiting room once I’m through,” Dr. Hernandez says referring to the night nurse.

Rafael reluctantly says a quick good bye. The quicker he leaves, the quicker the doctor can do his thing, and the quicker Rafael can come back in. Once he’s outside of the ICU cubicle, he closes his eyes and leans his head back against the plexiglass wall.

“Rafa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that a lot of people are still mad at Liv (and they should be) but I think Rafael can use a friend right now.


	9. Sleep Deprivation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv gets some things off her chest. How will Rafael respond?

“Rafa?”

Rafael opens his eyes to see a worried Olivia staring back at him. “Liv.” He looks back to where Sonny is. Content that Sonny’s okay for the time being he motions for Liv to follow him back to the ICU waiting room. He collapses tiredly into a chair. 

“I would have come down sooner, but I didn’t think that you would want me here. After everything…”Olivia begins once she takes the seat next to him.

“To be perfectly honest, I didn’t know if I wanted you to be here either. It’s just too much.” Rafael admits tiredly. The situation is just too much. And he’s too tired to deal with it all right now. Sonny getting sick. His anger and frustration with Liv over her not pulling Sonny from the undercover op when she should have. 

“So what changed? Why did you say it was okay for me to come?” Liv asks quietly.

Why is she asking him this now? He didn’t say she could come down here so she can interrogate him. He just wanted someone here to sit with him so that he wouldn’t be alone Help keep away the worst case scenarios that are running rampant in his sleep deprived brain. To get him a coffee so he didn’t have to leave the waiting room when the doctor came to tell him something. Not to answer questions that he didn’t want to.

“Sonny...he’s not doing too good.” Rafael says brokenly.

“Oh, Rafa.” Liv says as she places her hand over his.

“The doctors are saying that the pneumonia is no longer responding to the anti-biotics. They’re saying that they’re running out of treatment options,” Rafael continues, wiping the wetness from his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, Rafa.” Liv says sincerely. 

The two friends fall into a comfortable silence for the next couple of minutes. Rafael can feel exhaustion start to pull him into blessed sleep when Liv says, ”You were right. I should have pulled him when he started to get sick. I talked to him nearly every day. I knew he was getting sick and I did nothing. I definitely should have insisted he go to the ER after we made the bust. This is one me.” 

Rafael shakes his head. This is not what he wanted to hear. He doesn’t need or want her apologies. Not now. He wants her apologies later. After Sonny gets better. “No…”

“Yes, Rafa.” Liv says. “You were right. I had tunnel vision when it came to the case. I was stuck on making the case that I failed Carisi. I failed you. I know you can’t forgive yet, especially not right now. But you need to know that I truly am sorry.” Liv lets out a deep breath before she continues. “I’m going to get in contact with IAB to let them know what happened. That my inaction put one of my detectives in danger.”

“Okay. Do what you need to do.” Rafael says turning to her. “But, do that tomorrow. But right now, I…uh need you here. As my friend.”

Liv nods. “Okay. I can do that.”

“Thank you,” Rafael says as leans his head back against the wall tiredly.

“You must be exhausted. Between running back and forth between here, the office, and home, when was the last time you slept?”

“I’ve slept,” Rafael replies petulantly. 

“Okay, let me rephrase that. When was the last time you slept for more than four hours uninterrupted?”

Sonny has been in the hospital for three days. And before that Sonny was undercover for close to three weeks. With Sonny’s side of the bed left unoccupied, Rafael struggled to get any semblance with sleep. His mind never really slowing down enough to allow him to sleep. While lying in their bed with the absence of Sonny’s light snores, his mind would constantly veer towards thoughts of Sonny. Was he okay?   
Where was he at that moment? When would he be able to come home?

“Long, too long.” Rafael finally answers.

“I can imagine.” Liv nods her head. “So what’s going on now? Why were you in the hall when I got here?”

“The doctor asked me to step out for a few minutes so they can look him over.” Rafael lets out a loud yawn before continuing. “He said he will come get me when they’re done looking him over.”

“In the meantime, why don’t you try and get some rest,” Liv suggests.

“He said it’ll only be a couple of minutes,” Rafael says. “Should be any second.”

“Excuse me,” Dr. Hernandez interrupts, clearing his throat. “I finished checking Mr. Carisi over. You can go back in and see him now.”

Rafael can’t help but let out a loud yawn. “Excuse me.”

Dr. Hernandez gives him a small smile. “Don’t apologize. It’s completely understandable. But I think you should probably go home and get some rest. Your partner’s conditions is stable at the moment. His fever hasn’t gone up.”

“I can’t,” Rafael says. “I promised his family that I will be here just in case anything happens.”

Liv turns to him. “I think Dr. Hernandez is right. You need to go home and get some decent sleep. Rafa, you’re running on fumes. You’re going to be no good to Carisi if you end up in the hospital in a bed alongside him. He wouldn’t want to see you doing this to yourself. You know that. He would be the first to---”

Rafael holds up a hand to stop her. “Stop, Liv. I can’t leave him. Not now. His parents and Bella left already. I don’t want him to be alone.”

“I can stay here. Lucy is watching Noah. Besides, I told her that I probably wouldn’t be home tonight,” Liv explains.

“It’s not the same. I…I…”

The pure tiredness that is running through his veins halts his words in their tracks. Is it possible to be too tired to actually speak? Then he lets out a huge yawn. Olivia quirks her eyebrow at him and gives him the look. That look that only a mother can give that says there is no use in arguing because they are right and you, the child is wrong. Based on his experiences with his own strong-willed mother, he knows when not to argue. And this is one of those times. 

That and the bone deep exhaustion has him firmly in its grasp. He does need some decent sleep. 

“Fine, I’ll go home for a few hours. But I need to say good bye to Sonny,” Rafael relents.

“I don’t want to see you here before noon,” Liv says.

He’s too tired to argue. “Fine, noon. You need to call me…”

“If anything changes,” Liv finishes. “I got this go. Go, say good night to him.”

He tiredly stumbles his way back to Sonny’s ICU cubicle. He doesn’t bother to sit because he’s afraid that of he does he won’t be able to get back up. He grabs Sonny’s hand. “Hey, cariño. I have to leave you for a bit. I don’t want to. But Liv is kicking me out. She’s using you against me. Telling me that you would want me to go home and get some rest. Rollins is doing the same thing. Telling me that letting Liv be here is something you would want. That you wouldn’t want me to be alone during a time like this. When you’re so sick… Liv and I have come to a sort of truce. I’m still mad at her, but I need her friendship more than anger right now.”

“Like I said, Liv and Rollins are teaming up on me. They make quite the team. Using my weakness against me….you. Saying you would want this. You wouldn’t want that.’ Rafael stops for a moment. Man, he’s rambling. But he’s too exhausted to care. “And you know me. You know selfish I can be. How about what I want? I want you to wake up.” 

He wipes the tear that is running down his cheek. He needs to go. Maybe after a couple of hours of sleep, he can get his emotions in check. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Liv will be here. “ He bends down and whispers “Love you, mi cariño.” He kisses Sonny softly on the cheek and once again promises that he’ll be back, He makes his exit quickly before he can change his mind.

XXXXX

A shower, a light breakfast of coffee and toast, six hours of somewhat restful sleep later, and Rafael is walking back onto the ICU floor.

Lauren looks up from her computer screen when she sees him. “I was told you weren’t supposed to be here until this afternoon.” She looks at her watch. “And it’s only ten.”

“Yeah, well you don’t know me very well. I almost never do what I’m told,” Rafael quips. He’s acting more like himself. The sleep definitely helped. Liv was right. He won’t tell her that though. He doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she was right.

“I see that,” Lauren answers. “You can go in to see him. Your friend is in there with him.”

As Lauren said, Liv is sitting beside Sonny’s bedside when he walks in, and she stands up when she sees him. “Rafa? What are you doing here? I thought I told you not to come back until noon. It’s only ten. And it was after two when you left here. Did you get any sleep?”

“Really, Liv? You’re going to talk to me about following orders,” Rafael scoffs.

She gives him a smile. Why is she smiling?

She turns back to Sonny and leans slightly over the bedrail to speak directly to her detective. “He didn’t listen. Then again, I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you at all.”

Rafael walks closer to Sonny’s bedside so that he’s standing just inches away from Olivia. His eyes go to the occupant of the bed. To Sonny’s face. To Sonny’s blue eyes looking up at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!


	10. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny's awake!

“Hey….” Rafael says as Sonny’s eyes look up at him. They are only half-opened, but what Rafael can see are clear. They’re not the fever glazed ones that he has become accustomed to seeing over the last couple of days.

“His fever broke not too long ago,” Liv says. “I wanted to give you some more time to get some sleep before I called you. But it looks like you beat me to the punch.”

Rafael is only half listening to her as he runs his hand over Sonny’s much cooler cheek. He can’t help but smile when the younger man leans into his touch.

“I’ll leave you guys alone,” Liv says. She’s not stupid. She can see the pair is paying no mind to her presence. Their attention is obviously elsewhere. She gives the detective’s knee a light squeeze before she leaves. “Bye, Carisi. Barba.”

Rafael continues rubbing his hand over Sonny’s cheek. “Don’t you ever do that to me again,” he whispers, voice cracking at the end.

For his part, Sonny does look apologetic. Well as apologetic as you can look when you’re stuck in a hospital bed with a tube shoved down your throat. He shrugs his shoulders. 

“I’m serious. You really scared me this time, Sonny.”

Sonny loops his hand through the bedrail to grab the other man’s free hand. He runs his thumb over Rafael’s knuckles. The touch may be light, but the emotions behind it are not. Love. Regret. Reassurance that he’s here and isn’t going anywhere. 

“You damn well should be sorry,” Rafael replies with a snort.

“Excuse me,” Dr. Morrison says as she enters the ICU cubicle. “I’m sorry to interrupt you guys.”

Rafael looks back at Sonny before turning back to the doctor. This is not over yet. Not by a long shot. Sonny rolls his eyes.

“It’s okay, doc.” Rafael replies.

“Well, as you can see his fever broke. That’s a good thing. It means that the pneumonia is responding to the anti-biotics. His blood pressure, heart rate, and other vitals are all improving,” Dr. Morrison explains as she steps closer to Sonny’s bed.

Rafael nods. Now to think of it, the heart monitor is not beating at the scarily fast pace as it was the last time he was in here.

“His breathing has also improved significantly,” Dr. Morrison continues. “We have already adjusted the respirator settings. For the most part, Sonny is breathing on his own. It’s merely there now to assist him, to take some pressure off his lungs. To help give his body a rest, so that way he can continue to heal. But if his numbers continue to improve, I think that we will be able to extubate either later today or tomorrow.”

Sonny squeezes Rafael’s fingers when they hear the news. Rafael gives him a small smile. Finally, some good news. “That’s great, Dr. Morrison. Thank you.”

The physician gives him a smile. “I’ll leave you guys alone.” She then turns her attention back to her patient. “Make sure you rest. You’re making great progress, but your body still needs rest. I don’t want you to over exert yourself. We finally got the pneumonia to respond to treatment, and we don’t want to give it any means to stop.” She looks over to Rafael. “Don’t worry about missing time with him. From what I heard he had to be all but dragged away from here last night. He’s not going anywhere.”

“Don’t tell him that,” Rafael mutters.

She chuckles as she leaves the cubicle leaving Rafael and Sonny alone again. The prosecutor turns his attention back to Sonny. Concerned eyes burrowing up at him. Of course Sonny would be concerned about Rafael while he was hovering at death’s door. It’s not right. But, it’s also so Sonny. Worrying about everyone else while he should only be concerned about his own health and well-being.

“Hey, don’t worry about me,” Rafael says as he squeezes Sonny’s long fingers. “I’ve been eating. Your mother has made sure of that. And I just got back from home, where I slept for six hours. I’m okay. You need to worry about you. Got it?”

Sonny sighs and starts to once again run his thumb over Rafael’s fingers. Rafael did his job. He reassured Sonny that he was fine. That he ate and slept. Now that his partner is calmer, Rafael takes a seat. He never lets go of Sonny’s hand.

“Sooo, it looks like you’re going to be getting that awful tube out soon. I better take advantage of the silence now. It’s not every day that I can talk to you without getting interrupted. I’m sure that once you get that tube out, you’re going to be making up for lost time. Rambling on about the latest Carisi family gossip as well as every useless piece of information you have come across over the last month.” Sonny makes a strange face. Rafael thinks it’s because he’s in pain. He pushes himself closer to he bed. “What is it? What’s wrong? Do you want me to get a nurse?”

Sonny shakes his head. Then it clicks. Sonny isn’t in pain. No, the awkward face he’s making behind the tube isn’t one of pain. It’s a… smile.

“You little shit. You scare me half to death and now you’re laughing at me.”

Sonny makes the face again.

“Yeah, keep It up. You won’t be smiling when your parents get here. And my mother.” Sonny eyes get saucer big. Good. It serves him right. “That’s right. I called her. She’s not too happy with you either. She’s sure to be interrogating you about your eating and sleeping habits.”

The look disappears. It’s replaced with one of mild fear and trepidation.

He gives Sonny a smile. “Don’t worry, cariño. I’ll be here,” he says as he leans over to kiss Sonny on the cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

XXXX

“Knock, knock.” Rollins says as she walks into the hospital room.

“Hey,” Carisi greets raspily from his bed.

Rollins can’t help but wince when she hears her partner’s pained voice. His throat must be killing him. The combination of having a tube shoved down your throat for days and endless bouts of harsh coughing before that has no doubt played havoc with his throat.

“Hey yourself,” Rollins replies as she steps farther into Carisi’s hospital room. She looks out the window to a view of an adjacent roof. “I like your view.”

Carisi rolls his eyes. “Wha’ view you looking at it? All I see is a crappy roof.”

It may be a shitty view. But, at least it’s a view. Twenty-four hours ago he was in the ICU where there were no windows to the outside world insight. Just an unobstructed view of the nearby nurses’ station. 

“Fair enough,” Rollins says as she takes a seat in a nearby chair. “You look better than the last time I saw you.”

Rollins isn’t lying when she says that. Carisi is looking better. Don’t get her wrong, he still looks like crap. He must have lost at least ten pounds since he first went undercover. He looks like a strong wind will knock him over. And despite being in bed for the better part of a week, he still looks exhausted.

But he does look better. For starters, he’s sitting up. A nasal cannula has replaced that awful respirator. He’s still scarily pale, but he’s not as bad as he was. At least he’s no longer blending into the bleached sheets he’s laying on. The frightening bluish tint to his lips is gone as well. 

“You miss me?” Carisi teases. He looks like he’s about to say something else when he starts coughing.

Rollins pours him a cup of water from the pitcher that is sitting on the nearby table. More like you scared the crap out of me. “I guess you can say that.”

Once the coughing bout ends, Carisi leans back against his pillow. Rollins looks around the small room and notices something’s out of the norm. Barba isn’t there. He’s been a constant fixture at Carisi’s side since he was first admitted. That’s why it’s strange to see him not there.

“So you ditched your personal guard dog?”

Carisi rolls his tired eyes. “He just left. Went home to get some sleep.”

“He left you all by yourself?”

“Bella’s on her way,” Carisi responds. 

She lets out a snicker. “That’s more like it.” Rollins leans forward, resting her hands on his bed. “Listen…uh…don’t do that again.”

“Not you too,” Sonny croaks out. “I already had this conversation with Rafi.”

“Good! And now you’re going to have it with me. You had everyone worried. Liv has been so quiet. She’s just now starting to get back to normal.” Rollins decides to leave out the part about the tension between their superior and Barba. That’s not her story to tell. “I’m surprised that you can’t smell the bleach wafting off of me. Fin is on his fourth round of disinfection and sanitation of the squad room. Your mother   
has been cooking and baking every Italian dish known to man. Just this morning, Bella dropped off two trays of manicotti and another of tiramisu down at the precinct. And then there’s Barba….”

Rollins stops for a second when she sees her partner’s eyes begin to well up. “He was a mess. I’ve never seen him like that before. He was here day and night. He had Carmen cancel all his appointments and draft motions for continuances so he didn’t have to leave you. Liv felt like shit when we had to drag him away for a case. And you know how ICU is. They’re usually so strict with visiting hours, but not with Barba. They let him stay 24/7. Day and night. I think he scared them off after the first time they tried to get him to leave.”

Carisi closes his eyes. Rollins thinks that he may have fallen asleep when he doesn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. She’s about to get up and leave when he finally whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Rollins grabs Carisi’s hand. “Don’t be sorry, Carisi. Just…don’t do that again. Ever.”

“I promise,” Carisi says, squeezing Rollins’ hand. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm getting ready to wrap this up. just one chapter to go. Thanks to all of you who have been around for the ride. You guys rock!


	11. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny is finally home...

Liv is hesitant as she stands outside the apartment door. She gives a passing neighbor a smile as they pass by her on the way to their own apartment. What is she doing here?

She and Barba came to a tentative truce a couple of days ago. Back when they weren’t sure if Carisi was going to make it. Rafael was able to put his anger with her aside and allow her to be there for him during his time of need. But that was close to a week ago. Since then, Carisi’s health took a turn for the better, and after spending ten days in the hospital the detective was finally released two days ago.

During their provisional truce, Barba and she have exchanged text messages. But they were mostly her asking him how Carisi was doing. He always answered them, but his responses were usually short and to the point. Missing all of the snark and sarcasm that she has become to associate with the prosecutor. Liv tried not to read too much into the clipped responses, but she can no longer ignore the elephant in the room. Now that Carisi is on the road to recovery, is her and Barba’s truce null and void?

Barba is going back to work tomorrow. Which means they’re going to be working together and they can’t do that if there’s this animosity between them. 

Liv shakes her head. Standing out here in the hallway isn’t going to fix anything. Before she can lose her nerve, she knocks.

It doesn’t take long for him to answer. “Liv?”

“Hi, Rafa.” Liv greets him as he stands in the doorway, wearing a thread barren, old Harvard t-shirt and matching pajama pants. She can count on one hand the amount of times that she has seen him dressed so casually. Then again, it’s eight o’clock on a Sunday night. He’s not at the courthouse for trial or in a heated meeting with Rita Calhoun discussing a plea bargain.

For his part, he doesn’t look too surprised to see her standing at his door and doesn’t say anything as he moves to the side to let her in. He probably knew this was coming.

“I’m sorry to bother you. But I just wanted to see how you guys were doing. Sorry that I haven’t stopped by earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Rafael says. “It’s probably best that you waited anyway. People have been in and out of here all weekend.”

“His parents and sisters?”

“And my mother,” Rafael replies with a roll of his eyes. 

Liv is shocked to hear that Rafael’s mother has been by. She knows that the relationship between Rafa and his mother is tense even at the best of times. So to hear that she’s been by when Rafael was already in a taciturn mood is surprising. 

Rafael points over his shoulder and towards his bedroom, and presumably where Carisi is. “Yeah, in between her biting remarks that I never tell her anything and critiques of my clothing choices, she fawned all over him.”

“She did?” Liv questions. She never knew that Lucia Barba had such a soft spot for her detective.

Rafael nods. “She won’t openly admit it. But I think she secretly wishes that Sonny was her son instead of me.”

They both turn to the bedroom when Carisi begins coughing. It still sounds painful, but at least it’s not the deep, barking coughs from before.

“Sooo,” Barba says, causing Liv to turn back around to face him.

“Sorry, I also came by to—”

“Clear the air,” Rafael finishes.

She smiles sadly. “Yeah. Rollins talked to Carmen. Said that you’re coming back tomorrow.”

“I am.”

Man, he’s not making this easy. “We need to work together.”

“I know that,” Rafael says rubbing his chin. “You owed up to your mistake and talked to IAB. That’s a big step. And I appreciate that. But…I just can’t forgive and forget, Liv. He almost died, on your watch. I can’t act like nothing happened and grab a drink with you and talk shop. It’s just going to take some time before we get back to where we were.”

It’s not exactly what she wants to hear, but it could have been worse. At least Rafael didn’t slam the door in her face and tell her to get out. This, this she can work with. 

“Okay, I understand. I just want to say again that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for anything to happen to Carisi, but it did and that’s on me. I get that. Just, I’m here if you need me.”

“Thanks, Liv.” Rafael says sincerely.

“I’ll leave you guys alone. Let you get some rest,” Liv says as she makes her way to the door.

“Bye, Liv. Have a good night.”

“You too, Rafa.” Liv says,

Once he closes the door, he returns to what he was doing before Liv stopped by. He finishes picking up the living room and puts the rest of the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. He may be returning to work tomorrow, but Sonny isn’t. He still needs to be cleared by his PCP. That would be a week at the earliest. He knows that it’s a sure bet that somebody will be stopping by tomorrow to check on Sonny. Either one of his sisters or parents. But knowing his luck, it’ll be his mother. She has already been here twice since Sonny got released on Friday. He’s already on edge enough as it is with leaving Sonny alone. The last thing he needs to hear is his mother’s criticism on his inability to keep his apartment clean.

Satisfied with the way the place looks, his mother will fine something to criticize anyway, he turns off the light and makes his way to the bedroom. It’s relatively early, but he can use an early night.

He walks into the bedroom quietly when he sees that Sonny is sleeping with his body facing the door. Not wanting to disturb the younger man, Rafael quietly slips into bed alongside his partner. Sonny is still way too thin in Rafael’s opinion so he makes sure he’s gentle when he pulls Sonny towards him, wrapping his arm around the detective’s lean frame. He kisses the nape of the younger man’s neck and breathes in the smell of Sonny’s shampoo. He can’t help but sigh contently as he takes in the minty smell. It’s so much better than the anti-septic smell that seemed to come off Sonny in waves when he first came home. No, this smell is Sonny. This smell is home.

“Are you sniffing me?” Sonny slurs. It's been a little under an hour since he took a dose of his prescribed cough syrup with codine, so the effects are still potent.

Barba rolls his eyes. “Smart ass,” he says and flicks Sonny’s ear playfully.

Sonny starts to laugh but all too soon the laughing turns into a round of painful coughing.

“Easy,” Rafael soothes, rubbing Sonny’s back. "Do you want some water?"

Sonny shakes his head. "I'm good." Once Sonny’s coughing stops, he rolls onto his back and looks up at Rafael.

"You okay?” Propped on his side, Rafael runs his hand over Sonny’s cheek.

Sonny nods. “I’m okay. I should ask you the same thing.”

“If I’m okay?” Rafael asks puzzled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Sonny gives him a ‘don’t lie to me’ look. Damn, Sonny. He knows him too well.

He doesn’t say anything at first but damn those eyes of Sonny’s. They’re his Achilles heel. Always have been. Always will. “Liv and I got into it when you were in the hospital,” Rafael says.

“Yeah, Rollins mentioned that there was something going on between the two of you.”

Barba rolls her eyes. “Of course she did. Well anyway, I made it clear to Liv that I was not happy with the way she handled the situation. She should have pulled you when she knew you were sick and was only getting worse.” 

“Rafi, I’m a big boy. It’s not all on her.”

Rafael shakes his head. “Don’t do that. Please don’t make this about what you should have done. You were sick. She’s your superior officer and failed in looking after your wellbeing. That’s her job. And on a personal level, she’s my friend. She should have been looking out for you. ”

Sonny nods with concern in his eyes He may not agree with what Rafael said, but he understands where he’s coming from. “And now? How are you? I know this hasn’t been easy on you.”

Rafael sighs. How is he? That’s a loaded question. Physically, he’s doing okay. He’s eating regularly, no longer skipping meals in a rush to get back to the hospital. His sleeping pattern is still a work in progress. While his eating has improved since Sonny has released, his sleeping not so much. True, he’s not falling asleep in uncomfortable hospital chairs. But he still struggles to sleep for long periods of time. Even with Sonny home in their bed, he finds himself jerking awake with the urgent need to see that Sonny is okay. To make sure that he’s still breathing. 

Emotionally, he’s just getting off a hellish rollercoaster. Sonny being rushed to the ER. Then thinking he was on the mend, only to have the pneumonia get worse to the point where Sonny’s survival came into question. Then to have Sonny’s health improve. He’s constantly on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. That Sonny’s health is going to suffer a setback. Rafael keeps having to remind himself that Sonny is okay. That yes, he was sick, scarily so. But Sonny made it. He came back to Rafael. He’s back home in their bed. 

He leans over to kiss Sonny on the lips, their tongues intertwined. Far too soon, Sonny pulls away.

“Nice try with the kiss. But, don’t avoid my question. Seriously, how are you?” Sonny asks cupping the older man’s cheek. 

He runs his hand through Sonny’s hair. “You’re home. That’s all I need,” and leans in for another kiss. 

When they break apart this time, Sonny rests his head in the crook of Rafael’s neck and quickly falls into a drugged sleep. Rafael doesn't have the same luxury. He lies there in the dark as Sonny’s slumbers on, oblivious to his partner’s inability to join him in sleep. He pulls Sonny closer to his chest to keep him as close to him as possible and listens carefully for any change in his partner’s uneven breathing. Eventually, his eyes start to get heavy as the sound of Sonny’s breath begins to lull him to sleep. Just as he’s about to drift off, he can’t help but smile. This is home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who took the time to read this. Your comments and encouragement means the world to me. I hope you all had as much enjoyment reading this as I did writing it. Thanks again :)


End file.
